It was a deep pain. The kind that cuts straight to your heart. It was just as much painful as it was gut wrenching. How many times would it take? How many lessons would I need to learn?

It seemed like the same thing, over and over again, yet no matter what I did it was still right there.

It was a hunger that would never be filled, a thirst that would never be satisfied.

At first I tried to sort through it, differentiate between the pain, trying to understand the cause and effects. But after a while it all became the same thing – pure numbness.

I wasn’t immune to the pain, I was hard to it. The wounds were turning to scars, the blisters to callouses. Time had taken its toll.

Some say that only in silence can we truly hear, but I believe only in silence can we truly see.

Silence is an opportunity to see where we are hurt, an opportunity to follow the blood back to the wound, and an opportunity to see what heals us – or more importantly who heals us.

If you think you you haven’t been broke you’re wrong, and if you think you can’t be broken then you will die.

I stood alone, arms dangling at my side. No one walking past could feel what I felt, no one could see what I saw. I was alone in a sea of people.

It was like I was dreaming in a world no one else could see.

And while the pain was real, the healing was more real. I could feel it chiseling at my numbness, like an artist creating a masterpiece I could feel his hands molding me into something. I couldn’t see what it was, or what I would do, but still I could feel him at work; shaping me, moving me, and making me.

The pain had taken its toll, but every morning my heart softened a little more. Some days it felt like one step forward two steps back, while other days progress was noticeable.

I still felt alone, alone on a tragic and terrible journey. Yet daily he was there, reminding me, holding me, and loving me. No matter how calloused I was, no matter how much blood I lost, there he was, ever present and ever loving.

Where others saw failure he saw a lesson, where others taught experience he shared wisdom, and where others passed judgment he excused with mercy. It was a system that made no sense, but was still perfect.

I wondered if it would end – maybe terrible or maybe wonderful. But there he was, never changing, never failing. No matter what I did or what I said, he was still there, he was always there.

In the eyes of a human I was a lost cause; broken and bruised, abandon and forgotten. But in the eyes of the King I was worthy.

A love that is all-forgiving and never failing doesn’t make much sense. A love that keeps no record, that know’s no bounds is unrealistic, almost unimaginable. But for the unbelievable that was his specialty, unimaginable.

It wasn’t that it didn’t exist, in many ways it seemed to good to be true, but in fact that’s what it was – so good that it’s true.

To see the unimaginable and to feel the indescribable we must first believe in the unbelievable. No matter how unreal it seems, be silent and you will hear, close your eyes and you will see.